3 Communication Tips from a Relationship Coach
The same tools that keep romantic relationships strong can also help coaches and small business owners build trust, better relationships with clients, and authenticity in their business.
Written by Teacher Byrd
Most people don’t expect their marriage counsellor or relationship coach to also teach them how to run a business, but relationship communication skills overlap more than you’d think. Whether it’s your partner, a client, or a neighbor, almost every relationship comes down to how well you can listen, respond, and repair (Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrère, S., & Swanson, C, 1988).
I am a sex and relationship coach with my business, Inclusive Intimacy with Byrd, and much of my day revolves around helping people navigate intimacy, communication, and conflict. What surprises many of my clients is that the very same skills they use at home with their partner often spill over into the workplace or their businesses. For example, a couple learning to argue without name-calling suddenly finds themselves better at negotiating contracts, or a partner practicing curiosity at home realizes they’re less defensive with colleagues. Cool, right?
Below, I’ll share three romantic relationship communication tools, plus one bonus tip, that translate seamlessly into your coaching and business practices.
Tip 1: Lead with Curiosity
Curiosity is a kind of social lubricant, making conversations smooth and easy. In relationships, curiosity looks like:
“Can you tell me more about why this matters to you?”
”You care about this so much. Can you share the story behind it?”
Instead of jumping to conclusions, you’re inviting your partner to share. This not only softens tension but also deepens connection. In business, the same principle applies. Coaches thrive when they ask open-ended questions that move clients forward. Examples include asking about the client’s history, goals, or current situations. There’s also neuroscience backing this up. Research shows that when we’re curious, our brain’s reward system (like dopamine) kicks in, making us more engaged and open to new info (Gruber MJ, Gelman BD, Ranganath C, 2014). At the same time, curiosity is linked to fewer defensive reactions in relationships (Kashdan TB, McKnight PE, Fincham FD, Rose P, 2011). In short, curiosity makes you receptive rather than defensive and lowers barriers to connection or understanding.
Tip 2: Practice Repair
I always explain to my clients that arguing is not only necessary in a relationship, but can also be a good thing. Good conflict and communication, though, means that you’re good at repair. Repair means acknowledging rupture and conflict while also finding a way back to connection.
Let’s look at an example. Your toddler had a nightmare and needed cuddles to fall back asleep, meaning you didn’t get good sleep that night. Maybe you snapped at your partner during an exhausting morning afterwards. Repair is circling back later and saying, “I’m sorry for how I spoke. Can we reset?” Being accountable and coming back to repair builds trust and connection.
In business, coaches and entrepreneurs can fall into the trap of aiming for flawless delivery, like never making mistakes or never having awkward sessions. But, as coaches, we’re humans too- messy and imperfect. For this, repair will be a fabulous tool in your toolkit.
If a session went sideways, acknowledge it. If you misspoke in an email or overlooked a client concern, own it. One of the fastest ways to build credibility is to show you can repair with grace.
Tip 3: Speak in “I” Statements
We’ve all heard this one before, but it works when used correctly (Rogers SL, Howieson J, Neame C, 2018). Saying “I feel frustrated when you interrupt me while I’m speaking” communicates the impact an action had on you without accusation or blame. Let’s experiment:
How does hearing: “You’re just so unreliable” feel compared to, “I felt annoyed when you were late to our date last night without letting me know first.” The first one is criticizing, bringing up your partner’s defense mechanisms, while the latter invites conversation.
In romantic partnerships, “I” statements prevent escalation by giving your partner a chance to hear you instead of defending themselves. In coaching or business, “I” statements communicate professionalism and clarity. Imagine telling a client or colleague, “I’ve noticed it’s been hard for me to keep up with Slack messages during my deep work time. Could we experiment with setting a clearer response window?” instead of “You’re always messaging me when I’m trying to focus!”
“I” statements also model emotional intelligence. As a coach, your clients learn just as much from how you communicate as from what you teach. You’re setting the tone not only for your practice but also for how your clients may communicate in their own lives.
Tip 4: Slow Down to Speed Up
We live in a culture that rewards speed like quick responses, fast turnarounds, and constant busyness. But when it comes to communication, slowing down often actually saves time in the long run.
In relationships, slowing down looks like pausing during an argument to take a deep breath instead of firing back a response you might later regret. For example, “Let’s take a break and return to this in an hour.” That pause allows you time to emotionally regulate and meet needs that might be stealing your focus (like being “hangry”).
In business, slowing down may look like clarifying agreements before jumping into execution, taking an extra five minutes to define expectations with a client (which can save hours of cleanup later!), or coaches who create space for their clients to process their feelings.
Bringing It All Together
At their core, these communication skills are universal for romantic relationships, family, friendships, and business. Curiosity, repair, “I” statements, and slowing down illustrate emotional intelligence, empathy, respect, and good communication. When you practice these consistently, you’ll find that both your romantic relationships and your coaching practice feel smoother, more collaborative, and more sustainable, building connection, trust, and growth.
If you’re ready to deepen these skills, I teach a Relationship Communication Skills Class that dives into more tools like these. Coaches often find that learning these relationship-tested tools strengthens not only their personal lives but their professional ones, too.
About Teacher Byrd
Byrd is a sex and relationship coach who helps individuals and couples troubleshoot intimacy, communication, and conflict. Through Inclusive Intimacy with Byrd, Byrd offers private sessions, classes, and resources for people navigating relationships and intimacy. Connect with Byrd at inclusiveintimacywithbyrd.com and on Instagram @inclusiveintimacywithbyrd
